I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Drake has all the answers
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So vagazzling was a success
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize