The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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