One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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