you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize