i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
