Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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