True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
