How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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