dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
