Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
