So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
