Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
