Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
