Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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