new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize