I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
