His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize