covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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