you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
