it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
