My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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