i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize