tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
