i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Randomize
