Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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