so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
