Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
