i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
