It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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