The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
