She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
