I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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