my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
