My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
