Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
