You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We left the knife in your bed.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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