drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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