I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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