now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
