I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
