Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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