do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
