it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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