Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
