I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
