Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
