I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
