Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
