Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
