Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
