Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.

Fav 8 2334 996
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(956): View more from Texas

If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?

Fav 31 1789 3907
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(301): View more from Maryland

I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.

Fav 49 1183 5894
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.

Fav 6 5286 1319
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(812): View more from Indiana

The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age

Fav 10 3842 1033
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(219): View more from Indiana

No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.

Fav 7 2316 1095
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(518): View more from New York

She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.

Fav 5 2166 836
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(314): View more from Missouri

I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.

Fav 0 1174 478
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(407): View more from Florida

The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude

Fav 0 81 9
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