I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
FUCK WHALES
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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