So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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