My boss' voice literally gives me gas
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize