At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
