Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
