The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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