Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
