new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well I just put wine in my tea
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
