I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
