bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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