Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
