Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Everyone says I win the strip club
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