Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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