I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
