I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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