fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize