It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
