:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
