There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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