Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
