last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
